I am so afraid

I can't concentrate. I am looking at the bright side, the silver lining, but I am still so afraid.

I am so afraid that I will not make it. Yes, shamefully, I do concede, it has something to do with everyone else. But most of all, it has everything to do with my future, which is drawing nearer and nearer, time ticking away ruthlessly, with its girdle tightening around me every day. I still jerk awake in the middle of the night sometimes, to a sudden fear that seized me by the arm. I need to remember that I will do what I have set out to do, and only hope and pray hard that it will lift me off and send me to the right direction.

If only I knew what to do. I want to think positively. I do. I just am so afraid.